Things You Miss When Your Single

Having been in and out of relationships since the age of 16, I’ve found that when I’m in a relationship (unless it’s a really bad one) I don’t really miss any aspect of the single life. I have been on so many dates that even the excitement of meeting someone new for the first time doesn’t really thrill me anymore.

But when I’m single, despite being happy for the majority of the time – I can do what I like whenever I like and I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself  – there are certain elements of a relationship that I certainly miss.

 

Being a team

This might sound silly depending on the types of relationships you have had, but one thing I love about having a boyfriend is the fact you tackle everything in live together, as a duo. You don’t ever have to go through anything by yourself.

An adventure buddy

Even though my friends are always up for pretty much anything I suggest doing, they of course all have other priorities, friends and partners. When you’re in a relationship, it’s a given that any holiday, adventure, weird film, new bar you want to try, you’re partner will be more than willing to do it with you.

 

An excuse for a lazy day

The polar opposite of the above. When you spend a day lazing in the house with your friends, it’s seen as a waste of a day. But if you spend a day in bed, having a Netflix marathon with your partner, it’s seen as bonding time. A guilt free way to do absolutely nothing all day.

Sex

An obvious one for most. Whilst many people have fuck buddies when they’re single, those people are often unreliable, come with complications and aren’t always available. Plus sex is never as good with someone who you don’t actually like. Nothing beats the satisfaction and comfort of knowing that whenever you want you can have sex with someone that loves you and knows you inside out.

 

Affection

For me, this perhaps is more important than sex. One thing I really crave when I’m single is the little affectionate things you do when you’re in a relationship. The quick kiss on the head when you’re out in public, holding hands down the street, spooning in bed. They’re not actions that can really be replaced by anyone else, which is why I feel a lack of it affects me the most.

Security

Again, this is coming from the view that you are in a healthy, loving relationship. Nothing quite beats the secure, safe feeling of knowing you have someone that will do anything for you, they will protect you and look after you – you no longer have to tackle the world by yourself.

 

Losing the person you thought was ‘the one’

Granted I haven’t felt this in a lot of relationships, but I’ve certainly had some where I’ve talked about having a future with that person, whether it be moving in together, or going travelling for 6 months. It’s difficult to adjust back to thinking they weren’t that person, and having to start again in that quest to find the person that is the right fit for you.

 

Someone to be your true self around

The Japanese say you have three faces: one face is the one you show to the public, the second is one you show to close friends and family, and the third is the one you only show to yourself. I don’t think I have ever completely let someone in, but I know that I tend to tell boyfriends a hell of a lot more about myself than I do to anyone else. It’s reassuring to have someone that you know no matter what you tell them, they won’t judge you.

 

To my delightful readers, what do you miss most when you are single?

 

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I'm a 25 year old single girl in London, blogging about my dating adventures, London culture and the best burgers I can find in this city.

15 thoughts on “Things You Miss When Your Single

  1. Most of us are probably never happy with what we have when we do. I don’t think I have ever been in an exclusive monogamous relationship. I meet a lot of serial monogamists. Prisoner taking others call it.
    Depends what constellation you are from. Many constellations are represented here on this earth. Horses for courses.

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  2. I identify with so much of this Giulia. We are at completely different points in our lives but I guess some things are universal. I’m not sure if there’s much I can add to this really. I recently had sex with my ex (of six weeks ago) – you probably think I’m nuts but I figured if you’re going to have a ‘fuck buddy’ it might as well be someone you actually like… Not the same though, eh? Every affectionate thing we did (holding hands ‘for old time’s sake’ etc.) felt like some weird snapshot of the past and without the knowledge that attached to all of that was the security that you speak of, it was kind of hollow. Live and learn I guess.

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    1. I don’t think you’re nuts at all, I’ve done the same thing myself before. It’s hard not to be drawn back to what is familiar to you, especially when you probably still care about them if it’s only been 6 weeks. Don’t be too hard on yourself but it’s also great that you’ve acknowledged the negative impact it’s had on you, which may help you refrain from doing it again! 🙂

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  3. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I am actually very happy being single for the first time but there are things that I miss. One that you haven’t mentioned is eating together. All my life I have had someone to eat with regularly until now. I miss sitting down and having a conversation with someone over a mean regularly. I miss cooking for/with someone. There is an intimacy there that I miss.

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    1. That is definitely a valid point, nothing beats a great conversation over food! There is definitely an intimacy in that for sure. Keep your chin up lovely 🙂

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  4. This is going to sound a little weird, but in my last relationship what I missed most about being single was being independent. Being able to go out with friends, being able to be trusted. But that was last relationship.

    Right now, I don’t miss anything about being single because we agreed that we need to be individuals first who can come together! I don’t feel limited to the things I can do, however, it’s just a set rule/boundary to not do anything “stupid” to hurt the one or the other.

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    1. I think that’s a very valid point! It’s definitely something I miss when I’m in a relationship, even if that person isn’t controlling, you still can’t behave as independently as you would if you were single!

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